As an alcoholic with five years of sobriety, I identify with the protagonist, Neddy Merrill, in John Cheever’s short story, The Swimmer. The story is about an upper-class suburbanite named Neddy Merrill, who, along with his wife, Lucinda, is hanging out with their friends, Donald and Helen Westerhazy, by the Westerhazy’s swimming pool. Merrill is off by himself, drinking gin, while his wife and friends complain about their hangovers from drinking too much wine the night before.

Merrill decides to go home by stopping at every one of his neighbors’ houses and swimming across their swimming pools.  Each time he gets to a new place, he asks the homeowner for a drink. And then he jumps into their collection.

Finally, Merrill ends up at a residence, which is several houses away from his home. There, he sees his old mistress, who lives there. He thinks that she would be happy to see him, but she is confused and irritated at his presence. He tells her that he is swimming across the county to get home, and she says, “Will you ever grow up?”

He begs her for a drink, she refuses, and he jumps into her pool, swims across, and leaves the house. Then, he heads over to the next place, jumps into the pool, swims across, makes it to the next home, but when he jumps into that pool, the water is frozen.

Finally, this poor creature ends up in front of his house. He is completely exhausted, but he is in for a rude awakening.

He tried the garage doors to see what cars were in, but the doors were locked, and rust came off the handles onto his hands.

Merrill, who has been in some altered reality due to his drinking, finally snaps out of it.

He shouted, pounded on the door, tried to force it with his shoulder, and then, looking in at the windows, saw that place was empty.

He realizes that he has lost everything, including his riches and his family.

This allegorical short story is about alcoholism. The water in the swimming pool and Merrill “swimming” across different banks to get home symbolize the story of a raging alcoholic who drinks and drinks while the years pass him by.

By the end of the story, Merrill has dementia, a symptom of an alcoholic wet brain (Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome). This disease affects alcoholics in the later stages of drinking, and unless they get help, death is around the corner.

Incidentally, the author was an alcoholic who suffered from a major depressive disorder. Cheever became sober at the age of 65 in 1975 and stayed sober until his cancer death in 1982.

Another theme prevalent in The Swimmer is isolation.

At the beginning of the story, Merrill sits by himself, nursing a glass of gin. He is lonely and unhappy. By the end of the story, he is more isolated.

Many addicts turn to alcohol and drugs because they are desolate. Even if family or loved ones surround them, they still feel alone because their minds experience a distorted reality perception. Their cognitive functioning is clouded because alcohol and drugs affect the performance of their brains.

Sometimes friends and family abandon them, or they will become reclusive. By that point, the only thing that probably matters to them is their drug of choice. The liaison between alcohol and the alcoholic is as toxic as the relationship between a batterer and an abused partner. It’s also symbiotic because there are no boundaries.

In The Swimmer, Merrill loses all his riches by making horrible financial choices due to his alcoholism. And to top it off, he sees a former mistress who wants nothing to do with him. By the time he realizes that his life has gone to hell, his wife and daughters have left him.

Merrill is obsessed with his “swimming.” While he might delude himself into believing that he has some control over his life, the truth is that he has lost all control.

As the Big Book states, “We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control. However, such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period, we get worse, never better.”

The end of the story does not tell us what happens next. Will Merrill get help? Will he die from dementia or alcohol poisoning?

I had a friend who died of alcohol poisoning a year ago.

Her sponsor told her that all she had to do was go to 12-step meetings, Church, work the steps, pray, stop being in self-pity, and be of service.

This confused her because after she got sober, she experienced an onset of depression and panic attacks, making it hard for her to function, let alone read a Big Book.

I suggested that she participate in a clinical, evidence-based treatment program at a residential treatment center. While in treatment, she could work on a 12-step program with licensed therapists and addiction counselors who could help her process the 12 steps to understand the healing message behind the old-fashioned language of the Big Book.

When she received a 30-day chip, she hugged me. Shortly after that, we met for coffee at Starbucks.

She gave me a beautiful God box to write my hopes and dreams on pieces of paper, fold them up, and place them inside. Sometimes after I wrote down my hopes, I made origami cicadas from the works of paper because when I lived in the Hollywood Hills, the singing of cicadas in the middle of the night gave me much comfort. And then I dropped the cicadas into the little God Box.

In return, I gave her a book, Stephanie S. Covington’s A Woman’s Guide to the Twelve Steps.

A few days later, at a meeting, I smelt the alcohol on her breath. After I moved to the Mojave, we lost touch.

Last year, her mother found her dead inside a cheap motel room. She had been missing for days. When her mom saw her, she was sprawled like a broken doll on the floor’s dirty carpet, with empty bottles of vodka by her side.

The motel had a swimming pool, but it was in the middle of winter, and the water was probably frozen.

During her last night on earth, I wonder if she heard cicadas. But if she did, I suspect that they were not singing. They were probably crying.

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During my second year of sobriety, when I lived in Palmdale, my neighbor, who was also in recovery, would periodically send me texts like, “Keep on rockin’ that attitude of gratitude!” Every time I would see one of her texts, I would cringe.

It took me several years to realize that “rocking an attitude of gratitude” is vital to recovery!

But the truth is that many people, not just recovering alcoholics and addicts, have a hard time feeling grateful. According to a blog by Neel Burton, M.D. in Psychology Today, “gratitude has many benefits, but it’s hard to cultivate.”

For newly clean and sober men and women, gratitude is almost crucial. Not only does experiencing a sense of gratitude help them realize how amazing it is that they are clean and sober, but also by focusing on a positive outlook, the dangers of relapse lessen.

Being in a comprehensive drug rehab program, like the inpatient care that is offered at Cycles of Change Recovery Services, will not only help you become clean and sober, but will also help you foster gratitude.  At Cycles of Change Recovery Services, it’s all about treating the mind, body and spirit. Not only does this gorgeous drug rehab implement a 12-step approach, but also their evidence-based modalities and experiential therapies will help you begin to heal from co-occurring disorders like trauma, depression and anxiety.

Establishing a sense of gratitude is about shifting your focus, and viewing the world through a new lens. It’s about feeling connected to the universe and to other human beings. A sense of gratitude will make believe that you do belong on this planet and will eradicate feelings of despair and loneliness.

At Cycles of Change Recovery Services, we are here to help you get on the right track mentally, physically and spiritually. We are here to help you understand that you have a right to be happy!

Recovery is more than just maintaining abstinence from drugs and alcohol. It requires a complete metamorphosis. And we are here to help you undergo that transformation and guide you towards a brand new life.

The Big Book states, “We are like men who have lost their legs. We can never grow new ones.” In many ways, that sentence brings to mind the frightening fairy tale, The Red Shoes by Hans Christian Anderson.

In the story, a young, destitute girl is given a pair of red shoes. Much to the townsfolk’s consternation, the young girl, dressed in rags, wears the shoes to her mother’s funeral, and a rich woman sees her and adopts her. The woman burns the shoes, along with the girl’s old tattered clothing. Later on, the girl sees a young princess wearing red shoes, and she became obsessed with owning a pair. When she is older and about to confirm at Church, the woman has new clothing made for her at a tailor. The girl picks out a pair of red shoes on display, knowing full well that her guardian has horrible eyesight and is practically colorblind.

When the woman finds out from members of the congregation that her adopted daughter wore red shoes to her confirmation, she becomes upset. She tells the girl that she cannot wear red shoes anymore and has to wear black ones instead. The following Sunday, the girl disobeys and wears red shoes. A soldier sees the red shoes, taps them with his fingers, and says, “Look! Lovely dancing shoes! Stick tight when you dance!” And after that, it is as if the shoes become possessed, and the girl starts dancing and dancing until she kicks her guardian in the shins, and a coachman pulls the shoes off. The shoes are locked away in a cupboard, and the young girl can’t keep her eyes off of them. No matter how horrible those shoes turned out to be, the girl is obsessed with the idea of wearing them again.

Her guardian becomes very ill. The girl puts on the shoes, rationalizing that her guardian is dying, so who cares if she puts the shoes on or not? (That kind of selfish thinking is very similar to an addict’s egocentric logic).

Once again, the shoes cause her to dance and dance. Except for this time, she can’t remove the shoes. They are stuck on her feet. The girl dances in the fields, in a graveyard, and on the highways. The shoes control her completely. The red shoes that she once loved turn on her. She dances and dances, day and night, without any rest or food.

One day, the girl dances by her house, and inside, she hears singing and realizes that her guardian has died, but thanks to the shoes, she can’t stop to say goodbye to a woman who cared for her like a mother.

Finally, the girl begs an executioner to cut off her feet. But even with wooden feet and crutches, which the executioner makes for her, the red shoes and feet stalk her. Wherever she goes, the cursed shoes follow! Finally, she asks God for help, and the red shoes disappear, and finally, the poor girl finds peace.

In many ways, the relentless red shoes are a metaphor for drug addiction and alcoholism. At first, the girl can take the shoes off, but the shoes become glued to her feet later on. Addicts also become cemented to their drugs of choice. And then, the shoes began to dance nonstop, and the girl lost control. Like the girl who can’t stop dancing, an addict can’t stop using or drinking. But even when the shoes and her feet are cut off, she is still in a living hell. It’s the same thing with alcoholism and drug addiction. It must be treated, even when a person stops drinking or using.

Drug addiction and alcoholism require comprehensive primary care, which we offer at Cycles of Change.

We provide a strong 12-step approach, along with evidence-based practices and holistic therapies that will heal your body, spirit, and mind. You will learn how to “walk” again on the path of recovery. This path leads to a new life, a life that provides peace, possibility, and hope.

Washington Irving’s folk tale, Rip Van Winkle, is one of the most notorious of American legends. Rip Van Winkle, along with his wife, son and dog lived in a tiny village in the Catskills in upstate New York. He was a carefree man, who often shouldered his gun as he took his dog for long walks in the mountains nearby just so he could escape his wife, who nagged him to death. One day, as he walked along a picturesque path leading into the Catskills, with his dog faithfully trotting behind him, he ran into a green-faced dwarf who invited him to a gathering. Rip Van Winkle ignored his gut feeling, which told him to run away as fast as he could from the dwarf. Instead, he followed the odd creature until they came upon a group of dwarfs that were sitting around a campfire, passing a keg. All the dwarfs had green faces! Rip Van Winkle became more nervous, but instead of trusting his instincts, which told him to get out of there, he sat down, and joined this odd crew. The dwarfs passed him the keg, and he drank and drank. Rip Van Winkle loved to drink and this brew tasted like the best Schnapps he had ever drank in his life!

Pretty soon, he became drowsy, and with his dog lying next to him, he fell asleep under a tree using a rock as a pillow.

When he woke up, it was morning. He fumbled for his gun, and the weapon was covered with rust, and broke apart in his hands. His clothes were in tatters, and there was a long white beard that sprawled all over his chest. With much difficulty, he got up from the ground, and heard his bones creak. He felt arthritic pains emanating throughout his arms and legs.

His mind was in a complete fog. Where was he? Where was his dog? Somehow he figured out that he had to get back home.

After he staggered back to his village, teeter tottering like a scarecrow, he saw that his house had fallen, and all that remained were weeds and a crumbling foundation wall. His wife was gone. What in God’s name had happened?

It turned out that the villagers thought that a bear had killed him. But the truth was that Rip Van Winkle had slept for 20 years!

During that time, he had become an old man. His wife and dog had died. The quaint village that he once called home had turned into a bustling town. Luckily, his son, who now was an adult, took pity on him and brought poor Rip to his home.

In many ways, the tale of Rip Van Winkle is reminiscent of the story many alcoholics and addicts face when they finally “wake” up, and realize how much time has passed them by, thanks to their drinking and/or using.

Many times, those in early recovery also undergo post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS). This happens after they go through detox, often without proper treatment. With PAWS, many alcoholics and addicts feel as if their minds are in a fog, and when they look at themselves, and at their lives, all they can feel is a huge sense of loss and regret. These horrible feelings are potential relapse triggers.

Recovery does not have to be a painful process, if anything it should be a time of healing and hope, and the beginning of a new journey. At Cycles of Change Recovery Services, we offer sub-acute detox, along with comprehensive inpatient care. Our evidence-based, state of the art clinical practices will help you recover from the damages of substance addiction. Our 12-step approach is designed to help you find serenity in early recovery, as well as help you make amends with your past.

Alcoholism and drug addiction are often symptoms of deeper issues that must be treated. At Cycles of Change Recovery Services, our skilled and compassionate staff, many who are in recovery themselves, are here to help you explore those issues, and help you embark on a new life. You will realize that you are not alone, nor do you ever have to be alone again. Poor Rip Van Winkle woke up, and realized he had lost 20 years of his life, and felt a huge sense of loss. While in our care, you will start to feel that your life has meaning. The sense of bereavement and regret will be replaced with feelings of hope, clarity and serenity.

For clients suffering from alcoholism and drug addiction, the best option is to find treatment at a comprehensive drug rehabilitation center. There is a wide range of drug rehabs out there, and when it comes to finding help for chemical dependency, its best to get help as soon as possible.
Alcoholism and drug addiction can lead to death sentences, if left untreated. Think of substance addiction as a terminal cancer. While that analogy might sound gruesome, the truth is that like terminal cancer, substance abuse and addiction get worse, and never better.

People die from alcoholism and drug addiction.

So yes, it’s crucial to get proper help as soon as possible.

It’s also important to consider a drug rehab that provides detox, as withdrawing from drugs and/or alcohol without proper medical care can lead to dangerous consequences. By the time some alcoholics and/or addicts decide that they have had enough, their minds might be in the right place, but their bodies have reached certain levels of tolerance. If the chemical is immediately removed, what ensues are horrible symptoms of withdrawal, and some of those symptoms can be deadly.

There are different forms of detox including a social model, which includes comprehensive counseling, recovery group meetings and addiction education. The social model refrains from using medication-assisted treatment, unless absolutely necessary, and works well for people who suffer from multiple relapses.

In other forms of detox, medication-assisted treatment is provided to help clients who suffer from long-term chemical dependency.  There are different types of drug rehab programs.

An inpatient drug rehab means that clients attend residential treatment. Short-term residential treatment is about 28 or 30 days, while long-term treatment is between 60 and 90 days. Some drug rehabs offer individualized treatment plans, and the length of stay is often determined by a client’s needs. Residential treatment is a wonderful option because it removes the addict or alcoholic out of their familiar environment, and places them in a safety zone while they undergo treatment.

The downside to inpatient care is that when a client leaves, they are often back in familiar territory. Sometimes it’s a good idea for residents leaving a drug rehab program to reside in transitional or sober living homes, prior to their re-entering society. Many drug rehabs have aftercare programs, which consist of weekly group and individual therapy.

Going to a rehabilitation center for the treatment of substance addiction can be a scary experience, but a good drug rehab is designed to help you deal with those feelings of anxiety. Many top of the line drug rehabs offer evidence-based, clinically proven modalities during treatment. Evidence-based practices like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT) help newly clean and sober alcoholics and addicts change their self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, and replace them with positive actions and thoughts. Behavioral counseling is often the key to successful treatment.

A successful program at a drug rehab not only treats the chemical addiction, but also target co-occurring disorders like depression and anxiety. These dark feelings surface in early sobriety, and that’s not surprising.
Many people drink to numb feelings of depression and anxiety. Once the chemical substance is removed, those feelings are still there, and sometimes surface like a sudden case of the measles.

A good drug rehab offers dual diagnosis support, which treats those issues.

Some clients are referred to a psychiatrist who prescribes psychotropic medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI’s) including Prozac, Celexa, Zoloft, Paxil and Lexapro. SSRI’s are non-addictive, and often require several weeks to take effect.     Drug rehabs usually do not prescribe benzodiazepines, (except during detox) because those medications are highly addictive.

Other people suffer from PTSD. These individuals have suffered traumatic events at some point in their lives. Or they might be first responders, who includes men and women who have seen or witnessed horrifying events that many normal people don’t experience. This includes US Veterans, doctors, paramedics, and firemen. First responders often suffer from trauma, and many resort to drinking or using to forget painful memories or numb horrible feelings. Top of the line drug rehabs offer specific programs that help first responders, as well as safety sensitive workers, or employees who work high-risk jobs and are responsible for maintaining public safety. The definition of a safety sensitive position includes doctors, crane operators, teachers, staff scientists who manage chemical waste sites, and firemen, to name a few.

An inpatient drug rehab program includes primary care, which involves group and individual therapy. Some high-end drug rehabilitation centers employ a holistic approach. This includes offering yoga, exercise, meditation, Tai Chi and other practices. These practices are designed to make clients become centered, and in touch with themselves, as well as with their surroundings. Other therapies include equine therapy, music therapy, art therapy and psychodrama. High-end rehabs also offer biosound therapy, a soothing technique, which aims to relieve clients from trauma.
Some drug rehabs employ a therapeutic community model (TC). These programs range between six and 12 months in duration. A TC model is where the entire community is responsible for each other’s recovery. Residents are assigned work duties, which include cooking, cleaning and other tasks. The TC Model employs the theme of “tough love” but for many people it is a highly effective protocol.

Besides inpatient care, there are outpatient programs available for those who can’t take time away to live in a residential treatment environment. Outpatient programs vary in terms of intensity and include partial hospitalization (PHP), intensive outpatient (IOP) and outpatient.

PHP usually includes 25 hours of weekly group and individual therapy, while an IOP is comprised of nine hours of weekly group therapy. For an IOP, individual therapy is often scheduled per client’s needs. An outpatient track is less time intensive, and the weekly program might include one group therapy and one individual session.
According to the National Institute for Drug Abuse, both inpatient and outpatient programs at a drug rehab can be equally effective. The key to successful treatment at a rehabilitation center includes detox, behavioral counseling including CBT, DBT and motivational interviewing, and evaluation and treatment for co-occurring disorders, as well as a strong aftercare plan.

Many drug rehabilitation centers also require that clients participate in recovery support groups. Most use the traditional 12-step approach, where clients attend 12-step meetings, acquire sponsors, and work their steps. Other drug rehabs go for a more faith-based protocol, and residents attend Church, work with a pastor, or go to Celebrate Recovery meetings.

And there are the non-12-step drug rehabs that promote SMART Recovery, a recovery support group that uses behavioral practices so that clients can achieve self-empowerment. Additionally, there are drug rehabs that allow clients to participate in Buddhist-based recovery groups, including Refuge Recovery.

In this day and age, we are lucky to have these options. While there are still stigmas surrounding drug addiction, as well as a high demand for more comprehensive drug rehabs, the truth is that back in the day, when AA co-founder Bill Wilson was caught in the throes of alcoholism, he was admitted to Charles B. Towns hospital on Central Park West where he basically dried out by being administered the Belladonna Cure. And what in God’s name was the Belladonna Cure? Well, belladonna is a plant that contains hallucinogenic properties. Another name for The Belladonna Cure was “puke and purge.” With that said, it is safe to surmise that while there is still much work to be done in the fields of substance abuse and addiction, the truth is that in the last 81 years, since the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935, great strides have been made. And for those seeking help for alcoholism and drug addiction, there are quite a few wonderful drug rehabilitation centers to choose from.